Where's My money, bitch?

robbie is working on an assignment to show how he has matured over the last year since I came into his life. When I first met him he was a complete loser that had nothing to offer Women, he treated them like meat and used them like blow-up dolls. he was used to getting his way because he makes big $$$ and some Women must find him cute cuz he never tires of bragging about his (so boooring) sex life with these weekend trollops. he even likes to send Me pics of his latest pick-up, as if it's a conquest to take home the drunk girl before the guy sitting on the other barstool next to her does. *rolls eyes

robbie is laid-back, arrogant, and a selfish prick. he's the kind of asshole that most guys hate and secretly want to be. he's pretty, rich, charming, and successful. he gets Women and he drives an unbelievably hot car. he's such an argumentative egomaniac that I don't know how anyone can stand to be around him but people with money never seem to have a shortage of friends and desperate suck-ups.

But, alas, My robbie has a secret, just like most shitty people do, and he was stupid enough to tell Me about it, and I was smart enough to exploit it, which makes his secret dangerous, and makes Me the only person robbie does't talk shit to because robbie knows first-hand what a fabulous detective I am and how irrational I can be when I'm pissed off.

I've used this secret weapon to shape robbie into the humble, respectful, selfless man that he now fakes himself to be. And, robbie has a new set of rules he lives by.

he must always agree with Women, especially female co-workers, he must tell them their ideas are brilliant and innovative, regardless of what he really thinks -because nobody cares what he really thinks.

twice a week he must offer to do something nice for a Woman he doesn't find attractive (and he has to prove it while I'm on the phone) because beauty is superficial -just like him.

he has to pretend like the other men (besides his superiors and clients) in the room are smarter and better than he is -because they probably are. (I'm not convinced that he is trying in this area, tho)

and he has to do something mildly embarrassing once a week in public to learn humility. These acts have all been incredibly small compared to what he's done in private but for some reason they effect him more. I'll never understand how riding the bus seems more degrading then fucking a fish and then eating it but everyone has their limit, I guess.

There are more detailed things he has to do but they are really only meaningful to him and I'm too tired to explain them. But be sure that if robbie ever fucks up he will have an entire blog devoted just to him and his secret world.

<3

Family Guy - Where's My Money
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